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Consumption Junctio | review | website | Lollipop

Consumption Junction

By Scott Hefflon

Consumption Junction, what's your dysfunction? That's from a '70s Schoolhouse Rock, in case you're new here. This is your basic post-with-funny-caption site with lots of porn banners. And it's pretty funny. I first heard of cuz someone emailed me an "Everytime you masturbate, God kills a kitten" postcard with a really cute kitty running scared. An hour later, someone did a "reply to all" with Consumption Junction's version, "Everytime you masturbate, God kills Tony Danza" which has Tony Danza's face over the kitten's. I stared at that for a few seconds before laughing. It's so random, like skits on Conan O'Brien or certain South Park jokes that you don't laugh at right away cuz your brain is still trying to figure out what the hell is going on. There are 8,500 jpegs in the Pics section, and 1,500 videos (mostly Windows Media Player, which is a clunky player but evidently pretty common), as well as about 500 text jokes and 500 games/downloads. Yeah, ok, so almost half of this is porn, but there's some great parody ads like "AOL: Number One Or Number Two?" and a few really funny "PSA's We'd like to See"-type things.

There are audio clips from Dave Chapelle, Sam Kinison, Bill Hicks, crank calls, the theme song from The Muppet Show (translated into Hebrew) and The Simpsons and Star Trek. While gross pictures of surgery or traffic accidents or some redneck with his cock stuffed in a large-mouth bass' mouth may not be your thing, just do what religious zealots seem to be so bad at: Just Don't Click. But if you wanna see some fool damn near blow his hand off with a firecracker, or maybe sit there with your jaw on the ground thinking "That can't be real, that's not really shit they're eating is it?," or like the simple chuckle of seeing the marque for the Beaver Lick Christian Church or some girl standing next to a road sign with the arrow toward Twatt pointing at her, check this out.

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